Floating upon the surface of a cool lake is where I almost met a terrifying end. That might be a bit of an overstatement but when you are nine years old and you experience something that scares you to this day, I think a little bit of exaggeration is justified. As a nine year old with the body of uncooked spaghetti, you could blink at me and I would fall over and bruise like a Georgia Peach.

 

  A picturesque family vacation; complete with annoying little cousins and my extreme fear of deep water. On a scorching hot day in the heart of Kamloops, British Columbia, my parents decided to take a trip to a random lake in order to avoid melting our skin off. We had been a few times before but I would rather never visit again as it was the dirtiest tourist ‘attraction’ I have ever seen.

 

  The air constantly smelled of rotting fish and several times I saw dead sea creatures wash up on the shore. It was like the Horsemen of the Apocalypse had a beach day. I did not want to go but they made me anyways. I guess I am just picky but I did not see how spending an afternoon in a seagull buffet was going to be fun; I was in a permanent state of holding back the urge to vomit at the putrid smell.

 

  I sat in the car, listening to my dad’s classic rock music on my hot pink CD Walkman, a turquoise bathing suit underneath my clothes. I pout, staring out of the window while my hand leaves a red mark on my cheek.

 

  “Em, lighten up! It’ll be fun!” My brother didn’t even look up from his Gameboy, it was supposed to be my turn about an hour ago. I had my Pet Vet game ready but it seemed that I was not going to be able to use it.

 

  “Yeah. Loads of fun.”  I was always sarcastic.

 

  The car stopped, it was time to fake enjoyment for three hours so my parents wouldn’t blame me for ruining the day. I sighed, pausing my music and climbing out of the car. It was blistering hot and I instantly felt ill. This was going to be hell. They headed onward to find a spot and I trailed slowly behind with sweat already trailing down my arms and legs. My brother grabbed my arm and started dragging me towards the water, ignoring my protests of how I couldn’t swim and the weeds and rocks between my toes felt ‘icky’. I changed out of my clothes and stepped into the freezing water so he would leave me alone about how I was a ‘baby’ and that I ‘hated fun’. I only went to my waist as I felt algae under my feet. I was so grossed out that I refused to go any deeper.

 

  My parents soon joined, bringing one of those small Boogie Boards with the ankle strap so I could sit on it and go deeper into the water with them. I struggled to climb on, slipping a few times before settling on top with my legs hanging on either side. My dad put the ankle strap on my leg; I guess they didn’t want me to escape and ruin their beach day.

 

  I sat, floating on the surface of a substance that made me extremely nervous. My heart pounded and my breathing was extremely heavy. Light waves lapped at my legs as my skin erupted into goose flesh. A larger wave hit and it tipped over, sending my small body underneath the board. Crap. I couldn’t swim very well and my leg is attached to the very thing that was holding me under. The worst part was that no one actually saw it happen so I actually could have died.

 

  I felt gross, brownish green water fill my mouth and surge down my throat. My eyes burned. I gag just thinking about how many insects and bacteria I must have swallowed that day so perhaps that is why my immune system is so poor; I probably inhaled dead fish guts and dirt. I need to breathe but at the time drowning was almost preferable to the horrible diseases I was drinking. My head ached as I flailed as hard as I could.

 

  I think to myself; ‘This is it, I’m dying.’

 

  I was NINE years old. I started thinking about dying very young; not a good way to live your young life. I thought about how embarrassing my funeral was going to be; imagine having something like that on your death certificate. “Yeah, this spaghetti noodle drowned while stuck underneath a flotation device. You know, those things that are supposed to prevent you from drowning.” I could hear a muffled yell of my name and for one moment I fully believed in God. Turns out it was my dad freaking out and thinking I was dead.

 

  Spoiler Alert: I was in fact, not dead.

 

  In a split second, I was right side up again and throwing up gratuitous amounts of, very likely, pee filled water. I was pissed. Royally pissed. I forced my parents to take me out to get ice cream and would not speak to them for over an hour. They took me to the hospital to make sure everything was fine and I totally guilted them the entire time. I was nine years old when I thought my first swear, trapped underneath a children’s toy; the big F-word. The best part of that day though; was that I finally got to play with the Gameboy.