Heads
It is a new feeling; a strange one. Love. Love in all of its shapes and forms. Surprisingly, it feels good; like a warm ball of yarn is coiled tightly around my heart, making it heavy as it attempts to beat normally under your gaze. I don’t quite know how to describe it, but I somehow feel happier than I have in a long time. The crushing weight of dread lifts off of my shoulders and once again I can breathe freely. Lilacs and vanilla beans fill my lungs but I don’t ever choke, like somehow you are clearing my airways with your scent. Yes, I’ve fallen in love with someone who makes me feel so many emotions that I have never experienced in my real life, only ever in fiction. It is an out-of-body experience with bursts of colour that flash behind my eyelids and penetrate deep into my skull like fireworks.
One shared moment of eye contact, a brush of his fingers on my wrist and my heart and soul were his. I’ve never told him though, for my fear outweighs my desire. Afraid of rejection, of seeing a look of disgust on his perfect face that would make me want to hide away from the world. I know he would never hurt me like that and if he doesn’t feel the same way that I do, I cannot hate him. I dream of the day where I can muster up the courage to tell him how I truly feel; that I like him a lot and all I want is to make him happy. Even if all I can offer is myself. Every time I look into his eyes or even just see the back of his head, I feel different. Loving and positive; is this what love is supposed to feel like? The building of warmth in my cheeks and chest as I slip into my safe haven that is him.
Dear You, it’s about time you knew about all of the times I wish I could be with you.
Tails
Love is a tricky thing, it grows and fades so fast like a rose freezing over and wilting in the cold of winter and we cannot stop it. It is not returned and it hurts. It hurts more than anything in the world and as my words stain this page, I find myself curling into the throws of loneliness. Yet we must move on from our pain because we have to. We must ignore the fact that it hurts or else we will appear as selfish and shallow. I cannot help but hurt each time you look at me, your eyes baring into my soul. I cannot help but whimper at the ache in my rib cage as you stab me with a blade poisoned by love.
My heart bleeds for closeness but band aids will always replace your embrace. I have been broken time and time again so it should hurt less; after all, I am a professional at the point. But the pain doesn’t ebb away because each time the pain attacks a different part of me. Any part of my mind that imagines what a life with you would feel like is quickly drowned in the lake of rejection. I still ache in the joints as shards are stuffed into my flesh each time I meet your eyes. Eyes I drown in with no regrets. I know it is just a hopeless dream; although I wish it could be reality, and I sleep in the phantom comfort of your arms.
Dear You, it’s about time you knew how often I’ve cried over you.
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Gif from NBC’s Hannibal
http://gph.is/1JhS94V
